Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
