Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize