All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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