I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
