i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize