I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
