I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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