Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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