Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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