my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
