I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
