I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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