Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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