yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
