Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
