Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
