He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
