i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
