I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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