Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
