apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
