dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
