What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
