Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
