Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
