there was a trapeze. enough said
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
