How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
