i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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