Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
