so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
