Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I believe in your delicious
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
