I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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