Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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