u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize