Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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