hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
