Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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