I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
