I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
