well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
