the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
