on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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