I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
