So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
