hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
