hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
