SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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