DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
