My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
