I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
