dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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