Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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