Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
