I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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