i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
