Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
