i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
