i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
