Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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