I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So vagazzling was a success
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
