I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
