hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize