You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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