The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
