If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
