Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
