I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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