New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize