Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
