What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize