if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
